Dating Phase 3:  The First Date – Part 3 – The date

Rule 1:  Don’t expect anything

Rule 2:  Laugh…avoid anger and frustration at all cost

Rule 3:  Pay for everything.  (I’ll get into this later)

Pick her up if you can, or meet her somewhere with lots of people.  She won’t feel comfortable meeting you somewhere with just you two unless she either knows you well or she insists on it.  Show up a few minutes early if you are meeting her there (you don’t want to be late) or be just a minute or two late if you are picking her up (you don’t want to be early). 

Engaging in drinks or food or activities immediately in the date helps to dissipate any tension and gives both of you a way to activate conversation if there is ever an awkward moment.  Lean towards her slightly when she talks, look at her eyes, and nod occasionally, women love active listening. 

I’ll get to rule one later, but I wanted to touch on rule two.  Laugh, not forcibly, but find genuine things you can laugh about.  Or at least smile a lot.  And watch when she laughs.  If you can make her laugh, great, but don’t make that your goal, that’s too much pressure. 

Do not get frustrated or angry.  If someone is assertive or aggressive enough to cause either of you to feel threatened or uncomfortable, defend her and yourself by either pleasantly confronting the person or leaving.  Always defend her, but never show any aggressive signs with her, even if they are focused on something entirely separate from your date.  Keep things happy.  People respond to positive energy, so if you keep the date positive, in her mind you begin to associate yourself with good feelings…which is great!

It goes without saying that, unless your mother is in the hospital, you need to turn your cell phone off.  If your mother is, indeed, in the hospital then you shouldn't be out on a date, you should be with your mother.  Unless you are waiting for a phone call that pertains directly to your evening activities with this woman, then all electronic devices should be turned off.  If you are tuned into the digital network, you are not tuned in to her.  Same goes for her, she should have hers off as well. 
 

Women will watch you with such intense scrutiny it’s almost scary.  Use this to your advantage.  Be nice and patient with everyone and everything.  I’m not saying give the homeless guy who harassed you a nickel just because he said it was his birthday, but try and be nice. 

Be Nice, Especially to the waiter.  Here is a secret:  Women watch how men treat waiters and determine the true nature of their date’s personality based on this small interaction.  Treat your waiter well and tip well.

This brings me to rule three that says that you pay.  If you asked her out, you pay.  If she insists, then insist back and pay anyway.  By paying for the evening you have demonstrated that you want to take care of her and that you enjoy her company so much you don’t care if it makes you broke, it’s worth it. 

And walk on the dangerous side.  No, don’t wear leather pants and ride a motorcycle, I’m actually being literal.  If you live in a city and there are homeless people on the sidewalk that you cannot otherwise avoid, put yourself between them and her.  There are no exceptions to this rule.  Always put yourself in the most dangerous position.

And always open doors for her.  Unless she insists otherwise, open doors for her and let her go first.  Despite the complications in etiquette that arrived with the feminist movement, you asked her out on a date because she is a woman.  So treat her like one.  If she objects, fine, let her object.  If she objects twice, let her win. 

Listen.  Women like men who will listen to them.  Don’t try to solve anything, just ask open ended questions that keep her talking.  Always make sure she’s talking.  Women are very, very good at turning conversation over to you and focusing attention away from themselves.  By all means, talk about yourself, but make sure it always goes back to her talking about her.  You say a lot by saying nothing at all.

Pay attention to her.  Not only does this mean listening to her, but watch her.  If she intentionally touches you at all, she likes you.  This means that if she laughs and touches your hand or your arm, you are doing great.  If she holds onto your arm while you’re walking, wonderful!  If she yawns or seems more interested in her nails than the string quartet you found, then change the activity.  Or, take her home.

Which leads me to rule number one:  No expectations.

Do not expect anything.  You can want all you want, just don’t expect it.  This actually relieves pressure on you and her.  Even if the date was a bit stressful, and maybe not the best in your life, offer to escort her to the door.  This, again, is a safety thing. 

If the date did go well, and I really hope it did, escort her to the door and tell her what a wonderful time you had with her.  Do NOT say what a wonderful dinner it was, or how great the music was, you can talk about those things on your date, but this is a time for reflection on your time with HER.  Tell her you had a wonderful time with HER and hope to repeat the activity in the near future.  Emphasize that you hope to repeat it sooner rather than later. 

If she hesitates with the keys, with her purse, with your eyes, attempt a kiss.  The easiest way to attempt this and let her know you are attempting it without embarrassing either one of you is to slowly caress the side of her neck with one hand and bring her in for a kiss.  If she doesn’t feel that it’s right she will either stop your hand or back away.  If this does happen, don’t feel bad, some women don’t kiss on the first date as a rule.  She will most likely explain this to you.  And really, DON’T feel bad, you didn’t do anything wrong.  Call her the next day.

If she invites you in…play it by ear.  If she is intoxicated, refuse to go and tell her you will call her the next day.  Again, this is out of respect and women appreciate the gesture more than you know. 

Unless you ended the date hating each other, call her the next day, just to check in…and schedule another date.

Congratulations, one down…