Dating Phase 3: The First Date – Part 1 – planning

If you managed to set up a date during your last interaction with the lady then you’re all set!  Well, sort of.  You still have preparations to consider. 

For those of you who only got a number, CALL HER.  Don’t wait the supposed three days it takes to leave her hanging and wondering, call her within 24 hours of getting her number.  You want to show her that she’s been on your mind and you want to keep your own wonderful image on her mind, too. 

What should you say?  Remember, confidence is key, but keep is short, your goal is to get a date.  Save conversation for the date when you can stare into her eyes and make conversation over the strange couple sitting next to you. 

Just say your name and tell her you would love to take her out on Friday and will pick her up (or meet her – women like to meet places since it makes them feel safer) at 6pm for a drink and appetizers at some cute bar close in a relatively crowded neighborhood. 

Yes, drinks and appetizers. Dinner is great, but drinks and appetizers are better. And early in the evening, too, since neither one of you really wants to waste an entire evening with someone if it turns out not to work. This gives her (and you) the option of ending it early if you find out she’s a diehard PETA-loving vegan and you are a steak-loving hunter.

However, if things do go well (as I’m assuming they will since you hit it off with her on a previous occasion) you have the option of expanding drinks and appetizers into dinner and a walk around a cute shopping district…or whatever else you might mutually decide.

HAVE A PLAN!  Do not go into the night with no plans or ideas of what the two of you can do.  Plan it out.  Take her for wine tasting with Italian fusion munchies.  If things go well, plan on following it with Ethiopian cuisine for dinner (make reservations, you can always cancel them if you have to) and a nice walk along some bridge or maybe ice skating or some other ACTIVITY.  Unless you and she are movie buffs, do not plan on seeing a movie.  Even if you have similar tastes, don’t go to a movie. 

First dates are like interviews, they give each party an opportunity to learn about the other one and determine if it’s a good enough fit to try another date.  Movies focus your attention away from each other – not good.  Not to mention women generally see movies as a way for men to divert their attention.  And on first dates (and second dates for that matter), neither you nor she will be really watching the movie; you’ll both be thinking about each other, what the other one is thinking, and if the other one is enjoying either the date or the movie.  Movies are not a good idea.  At least not now.

Plan on doing something active.  Walk, karaoke, ice skating, roller skating, watch a puppet show in the park, go window shopping in a funky district downtown, go to a late night festival or carnival, anything that involves activities and gives you many opportunities to engage in conversation about your surroundings. 

If, when you first engaged in conversation, she gave you any indication of what she enjoys doing, by all means, incorporate such an activity into the agenda.  For example, if you met her at the grocery store and noticed that she picked up all organic foods, maybe you should take her to the new organic restaurant downtown.  Or if she mentioned how much she loves certain kind of music, maybe you two can go to a live concert in the park or go see a particular acoustic musician for a little while. 

Note:  going to see music can be a lot like going to see a movie so, if you decide that you want to take her to see music, make it a small portion of the night.  If both she and you really like the music, stay.  Make her happy.  The happier she is, the more she’ll want to see you again. 

PLAN it.  If it doesn’t go as planned, great!  If you figure out during dinner you’d rather eat somewhere else or do something else, wonderful, let her have a say, but do not, under any circumstances, show up at her place with no idea of what you are going to do for the next five hours. 

Make sure your date is prepared for the evening as well.  If you had hoped to go for a long walk in the park, let her know that prior to meeting her so that she can wear appropriate clothing as well.  No woman likes walking half the night in heels and will very much appreciate the heads up. 

So…let’s get back to showing up at her door…