OK, so you have her attention.  Now what comes out of your mouth?  Um…I think this is where most men get stuck.  You don’t want to say too much, but you don’t want to cut the conversation short before it even starts…so?  An easy way to start is by introducing yourself.  Women like honesty and extending your hand and giving your name is a great way to start off on the right foot.  You don’t have to ask her name, just say yours. In fact, it’s better if you just introduce yourself WITHOUT asking her name.  It’s her decision if she wants to give you any information, including her name, so don’t ask.  By allowing her to keep information to herself, you are allowing her the upper hand, thereby making her feel less attacked or invaded.  If she refuses your handshake, you are done, don’t press the issue.  Find another woman.

Suppose you have gotten her hand in return, then what?  Just say your name and...?  Again, honesty is important.  Women are very good at reading men’s intentions so the more honest you are, the better.  This doesn’t mean you can’t PHRASE things well, though.  For example, instead of saying “I’ve been watching you since you walked in” say “I couldn’t help but notice when you walked in.”  Subtle differences, but the second is less stalker-like.  You can always offer to buy her a drink.  It lets you in the door for a short time to talk, and very few women will turn down a drink.  Do not expect her to continue talking with you throughout that drink, though.  You purchased the beverage in order to attempt to continue an interaction, not take her home. 

If you are approaching a woman somewhere else then say something related to the activity.  Again, be honest.  Are you really interested in what she thinks about the music or what kind of toy her dog is playing with?  Ask an open ended question, not a yes or no question.  Engage her in conversation.  But ask a question to which you do, actually, want to know the answer, even if it’s only a little.  Women are great at ready honesty (I’m repeating myself, I know, but it’s important) and she’ll know if you aren’t interested in hearing her answer.  If she picks up on your lack of interest, well, you just killed whatever potential might have accumulated since you said hello. 

What if you see a woman at a store, at her place of employment, or just at a random location?  Some of the above works, but those approaches are not always your best option.  For example, use common sense, if a woman is at the grocery store with her hands full of fruit and cereal, do not attempt to shake her hand.

You can bet that if she’s at a store, and especially if she is at her place of employment, you have a pretty good chance of seeing her at that same place again.  In fact, we are all creatures of habits and you’ll probably be able to find her at that same place at the same time next week.  This is important.  Women don’t generally like to be approached and questioned by random strangers no matter where they are, especially if it’s during grocery shopping.  Dog parks, amusement parks and entertainment facilities aside, using direct approaches in otherwise public venues can result in disastrous consequences.  So what do you do?

Say something nice and leave.  Yup, you read that right:  leave.  No, this does not mean that you are giving up or leaving your potential new relationship to fate.  I didn’t say “do nothing”, I said “say something nice”.  In fact, I’ll go even further and tell you to say something short and nice.  DO NOT introduce yourself.  Instead say something along the lines of “Hi, I just wanted you to know you have the nicest smile I’ve seen all day.” Or “Hi, I noticed you picked up blah wine, their blah wine is good too, you might want to try it.”  Always smile and say hi and never ask her for any information, especially not her name.  Give a nice complement to her smile or eyes or something that is not derogatory or offensive on any level.  Stick to her face.  Just make sure that if you are about to compliment her smile, she has, in fact, smiled with you around.  The smile thing works great if you happen to be at her place of employment.  But say no more than once sentence and leave.  Do not stick around. 

Why?  By giving her a little complement or just saying you noticed her, you have left a small and, hopefully, positive impression.  She will take this small, non-intrusive interaction and ponder it for the rest of the day.  Basically, she’ll be thinking about YOU the rest of the day.  Who was he?  Wow, a perfect stranger commented on my smile!  Again, she’ll turn up there again and the next time you see her, she’ll remember you, I promise. Just make sure you don’t wait a year before you find her again.  This is especially important if she works somewhere and you have a great chance of seeing her at any time in the near future. 

Under any and all circumstances, whether you are approaching at a bar or park, keep your eyes on her EYES at all times.  That is, unless you are paying the bartender, catching your dog, or preventing either one of you from imminent death.

Those of you who are well versed in the etiquette of conversation can probably take it from here.  Those of you who are wondering what to do after initial greetings or would like to know some basics about closing the deal, then I’ll address those issues in Phase 2.